I seem to have hit the button twice, ah well, better twice than not at all.

Ahh, I profusely apologise for my lack of tact my Lady, I did not realise you had recently arrived. I beg your forgiveness – Your servant STD

Oh and by the way – I did not spell my name wrongly; it’s just that it only just fits the columns.

Mmm, I got Money Advisor - they don't know me.

Make damn sure you use a pen, a large waste of time can reult otherwise.

The morning after, if I write when drunk it makes sence when sober.

You never know, they can't get enough of a bad thing.

Mmmm, last time I got wrecked was so bad I can't remember when it was. I used to judge how good a night I had by the number of people who wouldn't speak to me the next day.

I've got a poem about being drunk somewhere, I'll try to find it.

Well you have to start somewhere. Maybe swap the rabbit for a Leming. They rut quite a bit and then she would get depressed and throw herself over a cliff!!! Next.

I thought we were to be tagged, ID cards. It's getting a bit difficult for me to move around now. I don't go anywhere near cameras (they steal your soul you know) so I guess I'll have to stay in and become a moaning old Bastard instead of just a Bastard.

(Scratches head, blank look, continues to look down at the floor.)

Can I be in charge of genetic experiments please. I want to cross Sinia Twain, (spelling may be wrong) Nichole Kidman and a rabbit. Just for fun of course.

I suppose it depends on how much of an adrenalin jumky you are.

I reckon there's a very fast being that moves so quickly that it can't be seen. It's whole life cycle is committed to force feeding booze to unsuspecting drinkers as they speak.

I don't understand why the time goes so fast when you're in the pub.

Unless there are leaves on the line of course.

So the British Government announces that we are not to have seat belts on trains, and why? Because they could cause problems getting out after a crash. Two things spring to mind. 1 When this argument was used to try to stop the use of seatbelts in cars the Government told us this was wrong and it was easy to get free after a crash. 2. I suppose being flung out of the window of a colliding train is a great deal safer than being stuck in one. Mmmm.