The timing of this film is somewhat convenient.

Bush is using the WMD argument to justify his plans to liberate the Iranian oil fields, but he's running into difficulties because of all those inconvenient liberals who remember him using the same argument before he liberated the Iraqi oil fields for Halliburton. It is therefore necessary to produce some good old fashioned Nazi propoganda to justify the coming war.

The above link reveals that American military air traffic controllers at RAF Lakenheath were used in the film, which means that it was produced with the approval of Bush & Blair. Would Michael Moore get the same cooperation from a US military base?

What I find ironic is that Iran wouldn't be trying to build nuclear weapons if Bush hadn't invaded Afghanistan and Iraq, while allying with the military dictator of Pakistan in the interests of democracy.

PASSED! And I'm guessing they weren't history or engineering students either.

PROPOSAL: Everybody should be forced to have an IQ test before being allowed to vote. Why should the votes of intelligent people be diluted by those of morons?

So I take it you don't see why you should be the lone breadwinner of your household?

I seem to recall that she did an erotic thriller film last decade that I found neither erotic or thrilling. The only saving grace was that she wasn't Pamela Anderson. I had to go into councilling after seeing Barb Wire, and trolls don't normally do the touchy feely stuff.

There's names for women who take their clothes off and have sex with people for money, and making sure you're on screen as well just makes it worse.

PASSED on condition that I get to be the dentist and surgeon.

PROPOSAL: All townies who decide to go on a hiking holiday in Wales should be castrated and banned from being allowed to vote. And then they get taken to the top of Mount Snowdon in winter wearing summer clothes where they get their legs broken, after which they are free to go.

This afternoon, I met a party of over a dozen students who had decided to spend a week or so hiking in rural Wales. They had spent over FOUR HOURS walking along the Brecon & Abergavenny canal towpath without realising that the long, narrow strip of water next to them was a canal. Some people would have figured it out from the signs saying "Brecon and Abergavenny Canal" and all the canal barges going up and down.

I mean, they were British, and there are dozens of canals in this country. It isn't as if they had just been shipped in from Western Sahara or Chad!

Why the hell are tourists in rural Wales so constitutionally incapable of realising that these are the hills that held off the English for eight centuries? It's not like a gentle stroll in your town park on a Sunday afternoon or the bijou 'hills' in the South-East!

The thing that makes me really want to sharpen my axe is the way these cretins think we're all mere country bumpkins and our warnings not to go hiking in the Cambrian Mountains in winter without an experienced guide are just supersticious twaddle!

The Discworld has the right idea. When the Lancre mountain rescue service realise that they have spent hours struggling through snow to rescue one of these idiots, they drag him further up the mountain and leave him there.

Excuse me while I join the Mountain Rescue Service to make the world a better place

As long as it's a pint of scotch, so will I.

If you accept a hangover the next day as part of being drunk and you're not going to be a burden on me, that's fine, but people who can't work out the connection between the cause and effect make me go and sharpen my axe...

Well as long as it isn't your pupils who are irritating you by hanging around the off-license and asking you to buy booze for them and then turning up the next day hungover.

I'm not terribly symathetic when people complain about being hungover. After all, there is a miracle cure for hangovers, specifically not drinking as much the previous night.

Who's going to be the brave individual who reviews Basic Instint 2? Since Sharon Stone is now 48, methinks that the nudity isn't going to be the sort that people want to see. How many teenage boys are going to bother sneaking into the cinema when she tries to sensually remove her truss?

You are no true skinflint - merely getting in the cinema for free never deters me from asking for my money back. For hours and hours if necessary

Historical films are the best because no cinema employee wants to spend six hours listening to a history buff pointing out every tiny historical flaw in the film...

I'm pretty sure they have some closet hetrosexuals

Oh, and the DVD of the Chronicles of Narnia has made the list - I caught three seperate advertisements in one commercial break. I hate it when you get multiple advertisements of the same product in a single commercial break.

You did remember to ask for your money back on the grounds that the film was crap?

I quite like Sandra Bullock, so any film that has her in it isn't a complete waste of space.

In most towns in Wales, if you plan on going out and having a few drinks, you should take plenty of friends with you. You will be grateful for the safety in numbers when the fighting starts.

I just don't understand why some people seem to think that a night out is incomplete unless they've kicked the crap out of someone who only said "Hi". Some of these people don't even bother with a real or imagined slight before resorting to fisticuffs.

You would have thought that it would be safe to go out drinking in my village on a Friday or Saturday night because all the clubbers are having fights down in Newport, which is presumably why they are called clubbers. However, we are plagued by 14 year old girls who are out to get drunk and seduce somebody. And the bar staff always pretend that they belived these children to be over 18 because that way, they can take money off them.

The only bar that is reasonably free of these children is prohibitively expensive because tourists tend to assume that an expensive bar and hotel must therefore be good quality.

Ah the simple joys of nitpicking.

Another thing I hate is Graham Norton. Why the hell do the BBC think we want to see more of this individual? He tries to mask his lack of talent with in-your-face campiness that sets the gay rights movement back about 40 years.

PASSED. With luck, the kid who rides his motorbike up and down my street when I'm hungover on a Sunday morning will suffocate to death if I cover him with enough bubblewrap.

PROPOSAL: ADVERTS FOR ADULT CHAT LINES SHOULD BE FORCED TO SHOW THE ACTUAL EMPLOYEES WHO WILL HANDLE THE CALLS.

Because I'm fed up with Channel 4 putting on a documentary about something like ancient Etruscan politics late at night and EVERY advert featuring a blond supermodel who is apparently desperate to hear from a slightly overweight troll.

I vote we behead the lot of them (which in John Prescott's case, won't make any difference, but a poisoned pie will get rid of him) and invest supreme power in me.

I wouldn't be any more cruel and incompetant than the current lot and that's 650 or so salaries we've saved!