Well, after the law on hot water I now find out that the EU has just pushed through a law that will see motorcycles disappear from the roads of Europe and will make it all but impossible for people under 24 to ride one.

Rather than rant and froth I have decided to be calm and start our own Parliament so we can make society better.

Here's how it works:-

Someone presents a new law with a brief explaination. The next person comes along and writes either 'passed' or 'not passed' before presenting their new law.

I'll start with -

LAW - ALL PEOPLE OVER 65 WHO LIVE IN DERBYSHIRE WILL GET FREE SURF BOARDS.

WHY - As the government expects everyone to work until they drop the over 65's will require more holidays and although Derbyshire is land-locked global warming should ensure that most of the county will soon have beaches.

PASSED WITH A CAVIAT - ALL TO BE SUPPLIED WITH COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF BUBBLE WRAP OR COTTON WOOL. We don't want them filling up our non existant empty beds in hospitals.

NEW LAW - ALL UNDER 24'S TO BE SUPPLIED WITH BUBBLE WRAP (SUBSIDISED OF COURSE)
WHY? - SO THAT THEY DON'T HURT THEMSELVES WHEN THEY FALL OFF THEIR HONDA 49cc BUZZ BIKE.

PASSED. With luck, the kid who rides his motorbike up and down my street when I'm hungover on a Sunday morning will suffocate to death if I cover him with enough bubblewrap.

PROPOSAL: ADVERTS FOR ADULT CHAT LINES SHOULD BE FORCED TO SHOW THE ACTUAL EMPLOYEES WHO WILL HANDLE THE CALLS.

Because I'm fed up with Channel 4 putting on a documentary about something like ancient Etruscan politics late at night and EVERY advert featuring a blond supermodel who is apparently desperate to hear from a slightly overweight troll.

PASSED *with a rousing cheer from the house*

LAW - People with dogs should have to carry a radio reciever with them when they leave the house so that they can hear their dog barking and howling just as loud as the rest of the street.

PASSED!!!

new law - EVERYONE shoudl get FREE eye tests!

(they get free doctors checks ffs)

I've never had to pay for an eye test...

exactally my point! - if you dont have to why shoudl i have to? huh?! an optition is just like a doctor for eyes!

Well, maybe you should shop around?

ill pass that one, health care should be available to all regardless of 'supposed'wealth.

I vote that anyone caught littering should be frog-marched to the nearest bin and forced to eat the bit of food closest to the bottom of the aforementioned bin, that'll learn em!

PASSED

Welcome MJ.

PROPOSAL: All politicians found abusing their position should have to pay all the money back they have earned since being in office.

PASSED with flying colours, we could be a debt free nation in hours!!!

PROPOSAL: Every MP should have to have their teeth removed without anaesthetic until NHS dentists are in abundance - MR Blurr can have his vasectomy with Value Added Trauma too!!!

PASSED on condition that I get to be the dentist and surgeon.

PROPOSAL: All townies who decide to go on a hiking holiday in Wales should be castrated and banned from being allowed to vote. And then they get taken to the top of Mount Snowdon in winter wearing summer clothes where they get their legs broken, after which they are free to go.

This afternoon, I met a party of over a dozen students who had decided to spend a week or so hiking in rural Wales. They had spent over FOUR HOURS walking along the Brecon & Abergavenny canal towpath without realising that the long, narrow strip of water next to them was a canal. Some people would have figured it out from the signs saying "Brecon and Abergavenny Canal" and all the canal barges going up and down.

I mean, they were British, and there are dozens of canals in this country. It isn't as if they had just been shipped in from Western Sahara or Chad!

Why the hell are tourists in rural Wales so constitutionally incapable of realising that these are the hills that held off the English for eight centuries? It's not like a gentle stroll in your town park on a Sunday afternoon or the bijou 'hills' in the South-East!

The thing that makes me really want to sharpen my axe is the way these cretins think we're all mere country bumpkins and our warnings not to go hiking in the Cambrian Mountains in winter without an experienced guide are just supersticious twaddle!

The Discworld has the right idea. When the Lancre mountain rescue service realise that they have spent hours struggling through snow to rescue one of these idiots, they drag him further up the mountain and leave him there.

Excuse me while I join the Mountain Rescue Service to make the world a better place

PASSED.

Were they Geography students I wonder.

PROPOSAL:
All townies must stay in their towns on pain of death.

PASSED! And I'm guessing they weren't history or engineering students either.

PROPOSAL: Everybody should be forced to have an IQ test before being allowed to vote. Why should the votes of intelligent people be diluted by those of morons?

Mmm, as that would get rid of the need to vote because clever people would always vote for what's right it's
PASSED

PROPOSAL:
We should just have to work at the weekends and have all week off.

PASSED, providing we get paid for five days and not two

PROPOSAL: There's some council elections coming up in England and Wales, so I propose that politicians be banned from saying "These results are a victory for our policies".

Every single party uses that argument from the one set of results

passed.

Governments have to actually do at least 50% of the things they SAY they will do durring election times.

Passed. It's even worse in rural areas because of the lack of public transport.

PROPOSAL: To fund research into figuring out why it's always the ugliest politicians who have affairs, eg David Mellor, Robin Cook, David Blunkett and now John Prescott. I find it hard enough to believe that one woman could find John Prescott attractive, but two????

NOT PASSED

I don't think it would be fair on the researchers!

I was thinking about this very subject - what sort of woman would sleep with Prescott you ask? Here's another more probing question, what sort of woman talks about it or even admits to it? It's tantamount to having AIDS.
I would think the days of her having sex with normal people have ended.

PROPOSAL
Prescott should be rendered down and the grease used to lubricate the wheel bearings of dusbin lorries. His skin should be dried out and used to make houses for third world countries.

There may be some left over so I'll have a small bit to recover my bike shed.

Are you sure that people in the Third World are that desperate?