The Last Outpost Forums ( http://www.thelastoutpost.co.uk/forums/ )What We Need Is A .........

Source: http://www.thelastoutpost.co.uk/forums/index.php?gettopic=137

silvertongedevil | December 22, 2005 at 05:56 PM

Well, it's still a bit quiet in here, I reckon we need a cat, or a Hamster. Or both, can we get pets in here or will it spoil the furniture?

Pete | December 22, 2005 at 05:59 PM

Cat's scratch. Hamsters are acceptable though as long as nobody DARES dig up any links to that HamsterDance website...

silvertongedevil | December 22, 2005 at 06:06 PM

Tigers are out then?

FullAuto | December 22, 2005 at 06:13 PM

I was tasked with looking after a hamster once. Somehow, it escaped my iron grasp and hid inside a couch.

silvertongedevil | December 22, 2005 at 06:17 PM

They do that, then they come out, squeeze into a wardrobe and then bite small holes in your best clothes.

Tigers are much the same but they take large bites out of the wardrobe.

silvertongedevil | January 7, 2006 at 06:34 PM

Pete, can't get a hamster but I've managed to get a Zebra. It's just the sort of thing we need in the forum, somthing to talk to until it gets a bit busier. And who keeps leaving the coffee machine empty?

I can get the Zebra as soon as the paint dries okay?

FullAuto | January 7, 2006 at 08:31 PM

Oh Lord, he has a zebra. Why do I get the feeling I'm going to be discussing this later in a court of law?

Pete | January 7, 2006 at 08:59 PM

It's not a zebra, it's a horse with paint on. Look, it comes right off!

FullAuto | January 7, 2006 at 09:04 PM

That's not paint.

Pete | January 7, 2006 at 09:10 PM

Fewlt tip? Wax crayon?

FullAuto | January 7, 2006 at 09:15 PM

You wish. You may want a chainsaw to cut your hand off with.

silvertongedevil | January 8, 2006 at 10:56 AM

So okay, it's not a zebra, the bloke at the pub said it was a genuine South American Tree Zebra - I didn't know, I not sodding David Attenborough. How about this then, I can't go wrong with this. A Stick Insect.

Pete | January 8, 2006 at 11:02 AM

So long as nobody mistakes it for a twiglet, we'll be fine.

cyke | January 8, 2006 at 01:04 PM

Hello, I've been told this is the right place to come to have an argument? Is that right?

Pete | January 8, 2006 at 02:02 PM

To quote Star Wars: "You may fire when ready."

FullAuto | January 8, 2006 at 07:24 PM

Are you sure that's Star Wars? Because I have a porn film with that exact same line...

silvertongedevil | January 8, 2006 at 08:02 PM

You know, this thing hasn't moved for hours, I reckon it's a stick - I've been had again!!!

(this also could be part of the script from FullAuto's porn film)

FullAuto | January 8, 2006 at 08:06 PM

Nah, being had with sticks isn't my sort of film, mate.

Pete | January 8, 2006 at 08:27 PM

Oh dear...

silvertongedevil | January 8, 2006 at 08:36 PM

What's that Pete? You want me to get a deer? Great plan - I'm on it.

Pete | January 8, 2006 at 08:37 PM

Shocking

silvertongedevil | January 10, 2006 at 03:05 PM

Well well, the pet problem sorted itself. All those crumbs from the biscuit poll have attracted mice, I managed to catch one for the site pet. See what you think, it's in FullAuto's tea mug with a plate on top.

Lady_Castlemaine | January 10, 2006 at 04:33 PM

Now then STD, are you sure it's mouse? Can't say that your reputation as a naturalist bides well for this one. (I don't wish to know your knowledge / reputation as a naturist! - I'm a lady you know)

FullAuto | January 10, 2006 at 04:57 PM

My mug, you say? I thought that last drink squirmed a little too much to be tea.

silvertongedevil | January 10, 2006 at 06:17 PM

Yeah it's a mouse alright - I can tell by the colour of it's plumage!

Ivory | January 11, 2006 at 06:46 PM

std? - hehehehehehehee! sorry its imature i know...like laffing when someone says bum or uranus! lol hehehehehehe

ok im clam.... hehehehehehehehe

we cant have mice, they are as bad as hansters-and they mke me sneeze plus you remeber what the health inspector said!!

ok- can we have a giraffeeeeee? i know there a bit tall but it could bend down, or it could be a miniture one!!

Black Bile the Pirate | January 11, 2006 at 08:22 PM

It be a fish youre a wantin'

Pete | January 11, 2006 at 08:50 PM

Welcome to the site Black Bile the Pirate!

Slightly off topic: Do you always talk like a pirate? Think carefully before answering "Aarrgghh, me Hearty!" as I've got a plank somewhere around here, and it's a whacking kind not a walking kind

No offense intended, just had to ask. Could be very interesting in a iDodgeball kind of way.

Back to the topic, the problem with fish is that you forget they're there (unless ye be a pirate of course) and they die

FullAuto | January 11, 2006 at 09:38 PM

Gyarr. Termites in me leg. Ahem.

silvertongedevil | January 12, 2006 at 09:26 AM

Termites, mmm are they slow and wrinkly with shells on their backs?

Black Bile the Pirate | January 12, 2006 at 03:57 PM

What mean ye, "always talk like a pirate" Oy arm a pirate, and Im a thinkin' we should all join a cuttin' out party and board Nicole Kidman an' sail her into the south sea's and on to Port Royal. Who's with me men?

Pete | January 12, 2006 at 06:01 PM

Nicole Kidman? Count me in Cap'n!

Ivory | January 12, 2006 at 07:10 PM

termintes might be a bit pesky as pets- esp if we loose them in the system!

Lady_Castlemaine | January 12, 2006 at 07:28 PM

Black Bile the Pirate: What mean ye, "always talk like a pirate" Oy arm a pirate, and Im a thinkin' we should all join a cuttin' out party and board Nicole Kidman an' sail her into the south sea's and on to Port Royal. Who's with me men?

Hmm now then Girls - if the boys are having parties, I think we should be looking for a party of our own, what say ye to Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp as host? (I think I'm turning into a pirate)

FullAuto | January 12, 2006 at 07:32 PM

No chance. If we're having Nicole Kidman you lot are getting Boris fucking Karloff. And he's dead.

Christ, why not go the whole hog? We'll have Julia Roberts and you girls can have...there's no male ugly enough to serve as an equivalent. Never mind.

Pete | January 12, 2006 at 07:34 PM

Both are passable so long as they don't talk.

Lady_Castlemaine | January 12, 2006 at 07:37 PM

Pete: Both are passable so long as they don't talk.

Pete, you saying that Johnny and Bradd have speech impediments? Could have a fight on your hands!!

FullAuto | January 12, 2006 at 07:40 PM

I doubt it. They probably haven't been in a fight since school.

Pete | January 12, 2006 at 07:41 PM

Nah, referring to the ladies

Lady_Castlemaine | January 12, 2006 at 07:42 PM

FullAuto: I doubt it. They probably haven't been in a fight since school.

Duugh... from me I meant!!!

FullAuto | January 12, 2006 at 07:43 PM

Well, in that case, my money is still firmly on Pete, I'm afraid.

Lady_Castlemaine | January 12, 2006 at 07:46 PM

FullAuto: Well, in that case, my money is still firmly on Pete, I'm afraid.

I don't know how to take that! Being a lady and all ....

Pete | January 12, 2006 at 07:50 PM

Let's put it this way, if I am struck by a lady, she gets a complimentary ding around the ear with every punch landed on my person.

Seriously, people think I'm strange when I say this, but young women are the biggest bunch of scrappers on the planet and no part of the body is sacred. They're becoming more like blokes every day (in a non-physical way of course).

But that's real life and nobody here's being serious. I can brew a mean fart though and I know from experience that that puts women off a variety of things.

FullAuto | January 12, 2006 at 07:55 PM

I never understood that, even when I was little.

"You fight like a girl."

"You mean, I drag you about by your hair, scratch your fucking eyes out and repeatedly hoof you in the bollocks?"

"Er, yeah."

"Well, if you insist..."

Lady_Castlemaine | January 12, 2006 at 07:58 PM

Pete: Let's put it this way, if I am struck by a lady, she gets a complimentary ding around the ear with every punch landed on my person.

Seriously, people think I'm strange when I say this, but young women are the biggest bunch of scrappers on the planet and no part of the body is sacred. They're becoming more like blokes every day (in a non-physical way of course).

But that's real life and nobody here's being serious. I can brew a mean fart though and I know from experience that that puts women off a variety of things.

I have to say that there have been some of the more mature 'slappers' caught in the act of fisty-cuffs, you only need to go down town in Bolsover to see it! Friday or Saturday anytime after 5pm. Sounds cliched - but I am glad to be lady!

FullAuto | January 12, 2006 at 08:03 PM

Bah! Small beans indeed compared to the weekend duels between Doncaster's Tokyo opticians, I'm telling you. Or better yet, the fun-filled cultureathon that is Hartlepool 'pon a Friday night.

silvertongedevil | January 12, 2006 at 08:15 PM

Mmmm, it's a bit quieter over here, just explain - what's a fight.

Ivory | January 17, 2006 at 04:54 PM

fighting? where?!
lady? where!?

*if you stand up for yourself men think your being un lady like.
*if you dont your a pathetic girly.

As for mix sex fight (no i dont mean in teh pervy sense) if a girl smacks you one, she deserves what she gets if you ask me! If a any PERSON (male or female) wants to start on some one else they gott take the responsibility that they might get hurt, and not go 'oh i cant belive he hit a girl...' ect! male or female - GET A GRIP, you started it!!


ok im calm lol

*pete- farts put girls off a number of things.....please god i dont want to know! lol

FullAuto | January 18, 2006 at 10:55 AM

Sorry to be sexist, but I don't think I could bring myself to hit a girl. Though there's been a few who I wanted to slap, certainly.

Accounting Troll | January 18, 2006 at 11:05 AM

If any of you plan on visiting Wales, stay out of Newport on a Friday or Saturday night. The men will kick your head in, but that's just their idea of a friendly greeting.

The women are far worse. They drink a couple of gallons of cheap cider with a chaser like a bottle of vodka. They then find some poor chap and they alternate between showing him what inappropriate body parts they have had pierced with slapping him around and throwing up. And if they need to go to the toilet they just use the street. They also use swear words as pronouns even on the rare occasions when they haven't been on the meths...

For some reason, I don't find myself attracted to women who behave like this, as weird as it sounds. This means that they accuse me of being homosexual, an offence that still carries the death penalty in the festering swamp that is Newport

Pete, don't worry it is VERY easy to tell the difference between men and women in Newport. The men have fewer tattoos and they don't bother fishing for compliments about their assorted body piercings.

Lady_Castlemaine | January 18, 2006 at 12:46 PM

FullAuto: Sorry to be sexist, but I don't think I could bring myself to hit a girl. Though there's been a few who I wanted to slap, certainly.

some girls like a slap (On the arse can be quite good - Ermm Apparently!!)

silvertongedevil | January 18, 2006 at 01:16 PM

Accounting Troll:

For some reason, I don't find myself attracted to women who behave like this, as weird as it sounds. This means that they accuse me of being homosexual, an offence that still carries the death penalty in the festering swamp that is Newport

Did I read somewhere that Newport wanted to be twinned with some other town to raise their profile but the only reply they got was from Mordor?

FullAuto | January 18, 2006 at 03:27 PM

some girls like a slap (On the arse can be quite good - Ermm Apparently!!)



Some girls like being slapped across the face, which is a touch too weird even for me...

Ivory | January 18, 2006 at 06:01 PM

moving on from spanking....
i think its very honerable and gentlemanly of you fa to not ever hit a girl...being a *checks* girl myself, i guess i woudl think giving a girl a slap in return for her giving you one would be ok! i belive if you want to be treated like a LADY you should act like one!

well, i have to say im definatly not into pissing in the street or showing inapproriate body piercings to every one i meet (id have to have some first!) ... well someone has to hold up the classy end of the party

FullAuto | January 18, 2006 at 06:06 PM

I had a girl piss in front of me once. In a sort of showing-off way She was really odd.

Ivory | January 18, 2006 at 06:51 PM

ok, ok,ok let me get this straight - to impress you she pissed in front of you? - you need to relocate! lol

silvertongedevil | January 18, 2006 at 06:58 PM

Ivory: ok, ok,ok let me get this straight - to impress you she pissed in front of you? - you need to relocate! lol

Yeah, maybe to Newport!!

Black Bile the Pirate | January 18, 2006 at 07:03 PM

FullAuto: I had a girl piss in front of me once. In a sort of showing-off way She was really odd.

Now there be a proper lady, an what be 'er address?

Ivory | January 19, 2006 at 05:37 PM

give him her addy FA...it ll get her off teh streets and stop her harassing non-pirate folk


i tell you what we need- a FREE bar

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